


More Than a Feeling

by AshleyIsDeviant



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Gay Panic, M/M, Sexual Confusion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-01-15 21:49:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18507760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshleyIsDeviant/pseuds/AshleyIsDeviant
Summary: Something was stirring in him. It feels as if he's toeing the edge of something big, some huge, larger than life secret that he’s kept buried deep within, something that he wasn’t even aware of. Or maybe he was…





	1. Everything Has Changed

**Author's Note:**

> Yay! Second Game Grumps Egobang FanFic! I love these two boys with my whole heart! This chapter is a short one just to get the ball rolling. This story probably wont be very long, a few chapters at most, but I'm excited to share it with you guys! So lets get into it!  
> Chapter 1!

Dan sat with his back against the headboard of his hotel room bed with his legs stretched out in front of him, crossing at the ankles. Arin was still digging around in his luggage, setting things out, getting everything ready for the handful of days they would be spending together in this room. Arin had a few meetings lined up that he needed to travel for and he didn’t really feel like going alone. Suzy would have normally been the one to come with him, but she had some things that she needed to work on for her own store. She felt really bad about not being able to go, wrapping her arms around his neck and saying she might be able to push her work back a few more days. Arin wanted her to. He hated traveling without her, but he would never ask her to do that. Not with everything she’s had on her plate lately. So instead he reassured her that he would be fine and kissed her on her nose.

It just so happens that Dan had a few free weeks to spare before he had to jump head first back into everything that was Ninja Sex Party. When Arin had mentioned going alone on a long trip Dan jumped at the opportunity to tag along. He missed spending time with Arin. They had so many projects going on now it was hard to squeeze in some time that wasn’t dedicated to Game Grumps or Starbomb. Now here they were, settling in and winding down from a long evening of driving.

“I’m telling you dude,” Arin says, elbows deep in his suitcase. “Egobang. Look it up.”

Dan snorts as he opens the freshly downloaded Tumbler app on his phone.

“I mean, I know we have a … ship name… I guess, But it’s just a couple handfuls of fans, right?”

Arin casts him a look with his eyebrows raised.

“Dude, just check it out, see for yourself.” Arin says as he gathers up his bag of toiletries. “I’m going to hop in the shower. I feel all gross after being cramped up in that car all day.”

“Kay” Dan mumbles as he hits the search bar at the top of the screen.  

He types in the word and hits search and at first it’s just a bunch of fan art drawings of him and Arin, nothing too scandalous about that so far. However he is a bit taken aback at amount of support this ship name has behind it. There was so much art. Most of it featuring him and Arin hugging or doing something cute together, and all of it was amazing.

“Dude, this is so cool…”

Dan swipes his thumb up the screen again and what he sees next makes him pause. It’s a sketch, a really amazing, really detailed sketch of him holding Arin’s face between his hands, kissing him right on the mouth. He feels a strange uneasiness swimming around in his stomach, sloshing around in his insides and bouncing off his organs. It feels so foreign, yet so familiar at the same time. He feels a twinge of curiosity mixed with… something he isn’t able to identify as he presses on the name above the picture.

It takes him to a profile that was chalk full of ‘Egobang’ content. There are more pictures that depict him and his best friend kissing, hugging, touching in some way that was maybe toeing the line of inappropriate. There are stills of them from the 10 minute power hour that showed Dan laughing, leaning against Arin, hugging him, all of the things that he didn’t realized looked so… _intimate_ … from a different perspective.  

He clicks on a video of him and Arin on stage at a Game Grumps Live show. The video shows Arin picking him up and spinning him around, laughing hard as Dan’s feet knock over the nearby stool. He breathes out a laugh as he remembers that night as if it had happened yesterday. But it’s the next video, a gif rather, that makes him stop in his tracks. It’s of him and Arin in slow motion showing Dan looking over at Arin as he is distracted with whatever bit he was doing at the time and smiling. It wasn’t the kind of smile you give when you think something is funny, it was as if he could feel himself in that very moment, heart warm and melting with affection, respect, and appreciation for his best friend. It was the kind of smile that could move mountains just by the sheer force of love behind it. It was the smile that was on his face, directed at Arin, and it was as if he was only just now seeing it for the first time.

Dan drops his phone onto the bed.

Something was stirring in him. It feels as if he is toeing the edge of something big, some huge, larger than life secret that he’s kept buried deep within, something that he wasn’t even aware of. Or maybe he _was_ … Maybe he was like a kid, pretending to hide his head under the covers in hopes that the monster creeping around the edge of his bed would just disappear so he wouldn’t have to look it in the face.

A few more moments scrape by before he reaches for his phone again.

“This is stupid…” He mumbles. After all, it’s just pictures! Just artwork! Beautiful amazing artwork that he should be marveling at instead of tripping balls about.

“What’s stupid?”

Dan jumps slightly as he turns to see Arin sporting only black sweatpants as he towels his damp hair.

Arin had been working out, everyone knew that. Dan was even his workout buddy most mornings, but still. Arin doesn’t take his shirt off often and now that he has Dan can see the light cut of muscles peeking through his skin but he still looks soft and … _delicate_ almost.

“Nothing.”

Arin raises his eyebrow and glances down at Dan’s phone.

“Oh, you mean the ‘Egobang stuff’?”

“Uh…” Dan doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t really want to call other peoples hard work and dedication ‘stupid’ but what was the alternative? Admitting to Arin that he was staring at pictures of them together and feeling some sort of gay panic about it? What would Arin even say? He would probably just laugh it off, like a joke. It was all jokes… right? “Yeah.”

The movement is slight, but Arin’s eyebrows crease as he turns around to file some stuff back into his luggage.

“I mean, I wouldn’t call it ‘stupid’ exactly. It’s all make-believe man, no big deal.”

Arin’s words are nonchalant as he shrugs his shoulders, but Dan can see it in his face, the way his muscles tense as he speaks, the slight shift in his posture. Arin was lying.

Dan should just let it go. He could, right now. He could drop the whole thing and they would never have to mutter the word ‘Egobang’ again. He doesn’t even know why he wants to talk about this. He can feel the small waves of panic still lapping at the edges of his mind. He should let it go.

He doesn’t.

Dan readjusts himself on the mattress, crossing his legs and sitting Indian style.

“Does it weird you out?”

Arin catches his eye and then suddenly there is a slight change in the air. It’s not over powering, but it’s there all the same.

“Nah, not really man.” Arin says as he walks over to Dan and takes a seat on the end of his bed. The mattress dips as he leans his elbows on his knees. “Why? Does it bother you?”

Immediately Dan wants to say no. He doesn’t want to hurt Arin’s feelings, but he also knows he has to tell the truth. Did it bother him? He can admit to himself that before he looked this up, he felt different than he does now. Something has changed. From the time it took Arin to take a quick shower and Dan to jump down the never ending rabbit-hole that is ‘Egobang’, something has changed. He can feel it edging in on him and he is scared. He can’t face it yet. Dan knows who he is and it’s not _this_.

“Dan?”

Dan snaps his eyes up to meet Arins and he know immediately that it’s a mistake. Arin is so open and loving and he wears his emotions like a fucking crown and now his face is covered with worry, worry that maybe he is making Dan feel uncomfortable now so Arin shifts back slightly, just enough to angle his body away from Dan, giving him some room.

Dan hates the added distance and that scares the shit out of him. He sighs, searching his mind and forcing out the truth. Well, some of it.

“I don’t know. It bothers me a little I guess, but not in the way that would make me uncomfortable? Does that make sense?”

Arin looks down at his hands and nods slowly.

“Yeah, maybe.”

Dan is watching him. He can practically see the gears turning in Arins head, but he can’t pinpoint what exactly he is thinking. Suddenly Dan wonders when Arins lips got so plump and inviting. When did Arins skin start to look so soft and touchable? What was _happening_ to him?

Arin eyes catch his and once again the charge is back, stronger this time, like an unstoppable force shoving him from behind. Dan can feel the overwhelming urge to move into action. Something is happening, one way or another, and right now its fight or flight. But Dan is a coward.

He chooses flight.

“Man, I’m beat.” Dan says as he makes a show of yawning and shifts his body to pull the covers out from underneath him. Arin looks as if he’s suddenly been pulled from a trance as he blinks a couple times.

“Uh, yeah, me too.” Arin stands and makes his way over to his own bed as Dan unloops his belt beneath the blankets, shimmying his way out of his jeans. “First meeting is kind of early tomorrow, still wanna go with me?”

“Yeah man, absolutely.”

And Dan means that. Arin is his best friend and he wants to be there with him. He will get a decent night’s sleep and push away the weird feelings of tonight and in the morning none of this will have even mattered.

Except he knows, somewhere in the back of his mind as he watches Arin reach over to flip the light switch off, that’s a lie.

This will matter.

For one reason or another, after tonight, everything has changed.


	2. Heavy

Dan was never very good with the business side of game grumps or any of his projects for that matter. Not that he didn’t join in and do what he needed to do. If he needed to make a decision on something he would. But for the most part he let Arin handle the bigger things. Arin seemed to like it and he was good at it too. It just worked best for both of them this way. Still, he enjoyed attending a meeting every now and again to watch the way Arin works. There was something about that side of him, the boss side that Dan loved to witness. Arin’s team leading skills were top notch and impressive to watch in action.

Still, Dan couldn’t push away the uneasy coil of his stomach as he watched him. Last night’s epiphany still swam around in his head like a heavy pebble on the waters current. He hasn’t yet faced it head on. No. That would make it real. There was a small burn of panic in his chest, constantly shadowing every nice moment he and Arin shared. He couldn’t look him in the eyes for too long. He pulled his hand back when Arin accidentally brushed it in the car. He shifted his legs so that their knees wouldn’t accidentally bump together when they sat next to each other. Avoiding the contact was the only thing that could keep him safe, at least for now.

But with Arin distracted, talking to the fancy men with the nice suits across the table from him, Dan has a chance to finally look at him. After all, that’s exactly what he should be doing in this moment, right?

Something about this new … discovery… made him hyper aware of everything that was Arin. The way he smelled when the wind from a closing door catches his scent. The melodic pitches that his laugh took on, but only when he was sleepy. His sleepy laughs were different than his normal laughs. He found his hands more often than not itching to reach out and run along the strands of Arins two toned hair. Arins hands were currently flipping a pen around his fingers as he talks to the men before him and Dan can’t help but wonder, had his hands always looked so soft? Had Dan just never really paid attention to the way Arins mouth curved around his words as he spoke? Was Arin always this… _attractive_?

Arins chair swivels as he adapts a more comfortable posture and his knee connects with Dan’s. His quickly spiraling thoughts accompanied by the sudden physical contact makes him shiver. It feels as if his body has suddenly been sent flying through a free-fall into an ocean of ice with water so dark and so deep and he can’t do anything except sink. But Arins warm pressure is still against his knee and his voice is still swimming in his ears and that is enough to surge him from the abyss, lungs feeling as if they are only just now tasting air for the first time.

Dan lets out a small gasp.

Arin turns and for what feels like the first time in an eternity, he looks into Dan’s eyes. Dan feels the panic again burning in his chest so he clears his throat and stands.

“I’m sorry, if you will excuse me for just one moment, I have to use the restroom.”

The room of men nod.

“Sure thing.” Arin says, but his eyes are concerned and heavy weighing on him until he completely leaves the room.

The moment the door shuts behind him Dan can feel the hand that had been wrapped around his lungs release him completely. How, Dan questions himself, how is he supposed to spend time around Arin if just his presence is enough to send him into a borderline panic attack.

Dan curses as he pushes open the door to the men’s bathroom. Arin had noticed that he was acting weird. Would he question him about it? Dan turns on the cold water and splashes some on his face. He hopes not. He doesn't want to lie to Arin. But to be truthful with him about this, it could ruin everything. Arins face pops into his mind, as if it ever leaves. He can see Arins eyes, warm and brown and so inviting. His stare was always so intense. It made him feel like wild fire was burning paths down his skin until dark embers slowly engulf his whole body. Dan shifts his body and-

“Fuck.” He hisses as he feels himself, pressing against the front of his jeans, hard.

For a moment he just stands there, starring down at it, a weird feeling of detachment hovering around him. This isn’t happening. He isn’t hard right now thinking about his _best_ fucking friend. This isn’t real.

Except he is, and now he’s trapped.

He needed to get back to Arin and the meeting. They would wonder what was up if he just didn’t come back. Fuck, what was he going to do?

“Okay,” Dan mumbles to himself as he leans over, gripping the cold porcelain of the sink with both hands and he stares at his reflection in the mirror hard, challenging himself. “Think about dead puppies… Think about dead puppies…” And for a horrible, sad, desperate moment he does. He thinks about dead puppies. Tons of them. He thinks about them until he feels sick. But when he looks down to survey the results he is utterly disappointed because his raging boner is still there, mocking him.

“Goddamn it.” He curses as he releases the sink and stomps his way into the furthest most stall. He latches the door behind him and takes a deep breath before he slowly averts his eyes to the problem at hand.

Is he really going to do this? How will he be able to look Arin in the eye after this? Who is he kidding. He can’t even look him in the eye now. Dan shifts his hips as he feels the teeth of his jeans pushing uncomfortably hard against his dick.

“Fuck.” He hisses one more time, only this time there is a nervous edge to it. He feels the familiar stir in his stomach as he slowly inches his fingers down towards his fly. A part of him is disgusted with himself. How would Arin feel about this? There’s no way he would be okay with Dan jacking off thinking about him. He would probably be so creeped out by this.

Dan slides his eyes closed as he fishes himself out of his pants. He can picture Arin now, with a look of shock on his face. He would hate Dan for this. Dan wraps his long fingers around his shaft and gives it one experimental pump as a shaky, unsure breath tumbles out from behind his lips. He pictures Arin again, but with a different expression this time. Arin is staring at him with half lidded, heavy eyes. He knows how they would look. He has seen them before. He’s just never been the cause for them. He feels the pin pricks of goosebumps rising on his arms and he leans his head back against the bathroom stall.

Arin's eyes are on him, watching him, studying every long stroke Dan gives himself. Dan imagines Arin sticking his tongue out and wetting his lower lip and that sends a shiver up his spine. He feels the panic in his chest that he’s felt since yesterday start to slowly be replaced by fondness. He loves Arin. He always has, and he knows that Arin loves him back.

Dan speeds up his wrist as his thoughts power on and he’s powerless to stop them, all he can do is hang on for the ride and pray to god he can put himself back together after it’s over. Arin was his best friend, of course, but he was also something _more_ than that. Arin was a part of him that was embedded so deep, Dan had no hopes of ever untangling himself from him. But that’s the thing, he didn’t want to. He loved the closeness and the jokes and the looks and the tension so strong and so thick he could almost feel himself chocking on it!

Dan’s sweating now, panting as he squeezes and twists and jerks himself off, his hips unable to keep still as he rocks into his fist. He’s close. He knows because of the way his body starts to shake and his legs stiffen.

“Dan?”

Dan slows his hand as he hears Arin’s sneakers squeaking against the bathroom tiles. He must have taken too long and Arin had come looking for him. He knows he should stop. He should be terrified of being caught right now and if he was in his right mind he would be. But as Arin calls out his name a second time Dan can’t help but picture Arin underneath him, face flushed, back arched, eyes closed, moaning out his name as Dan fucks him hard.

“…Dan?”

That’s all it takes. Dan is coming across his own knuckles with hot, stringy spurts. He has to physically put a hand over his mouth to keep from moaning Arins name. His body shutters and shakes as he feels his release rock him to his core. His chest heaves as he wills his breaths to be silent, though with the pounding of his heart in his head, he can’t really tell.

As his pulse slows back to a normal rate he hears the squeaks of Arin’s shoes fading and the bathroom door open. Once again, he’s alone. He looks down at the mess he’s made and braces for the oncoming shame he knows he’s bound to feel. There’s one, blissful, silent moment where he’s just leaning against the door of the stall, his mind no longer yelling at him to abandon ship. Dan feels his face pulling into a smile and he’s okay for now.

He cleans and readjusts himself, checking his face and hair in the mirror to make sure he doesn’t look as wrecked as he feels before he leaves the bathroom.

As soon as he’s out the door he’s met with two warm, chocolate eyes.

“There you are.” Arin says as he pushes himself off of the wall he was leaned against. “Why didn’t you answer me when I called for you, man?”

“Oh,” Dan struggles as he runs a hand through his hair. He didn’t expect Arin to be waiting for him. “I guess I didn’t hear you. My bad.”

Arin’s eyebrows crease as he looks Dan over.

“Didn’t hear me? Dan, I said your name, like three fucking times.”

Fuck. Dan feels like his breath is coming quicker and panic starts to nip at the edges of his mind.

“Yeah, I guess I was a little spaced out.” Dan shrugs and tries to give Arin an apologetic look. “Sorry man.”

Immediately he knows Arin’s not buying it. But his face does soften a little.

“Dan, you’re starting to freak me out. Are you okay?”

Dan’s panic gives way to guilt as he sees Arins face twist into worry. It’s a slight movement but Dan notices when Arins eyes scan him.

“Yeah, yeah I’m okay I swear.”

He’s lying. He’s lying to Arin and he fucking hates it. Luckily Arin decides to drop it. It was a reluctant decision, Dan can tell. His shoulders sag as he sighs.

“Okay, uh, are you ready to grab a bite to eat?”

“Absolutely.”

Arin fixes Dan with one last worried look before he turns and leads the way back to their hotel room. Dan lets himself relax and falls into step behind him.

Would things ever feel normal again? Dan hates this. Everything around Arin was so easy before. He never felt like he had to hide anything from him. Now it seems like everything thing he says is a lie. He hates himself for it.

But then Arin glances over his shoulder and throws Dan a sweet smile, one that makes his heart ache. Not in the way it has been all day, but in the familiar way it used to when he thought about Arin for maybe a second longer than was necessary.

“I heard about this really dope sushi place a few blocks down.”

Dan found himself smiling back, and suddenly he felt… _lighter_.

“Sweet can’t wait.”


	3. Trust Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Egobang nation! Hope you guys are still with me. I love you all dearly. <3  
> Sorry for the shortness. I crank them out as they come.

Arin was right. The sushi place is dope. Dan listens to Arin talk about the rest of the meeting as he shoves his face with California rolls.

“Do you have any meetings tomorrow?” Dan asks around a mouth full of rice.

“Yeah, one mid-day, shouldn’t take too long though. Maybe after we can get out and see the town or something. We haven’t gotten to spend too much time together yet.”

Arin holds Dan’s gaze and Dan can feel himself start to falter. Things had been going so well up until this point. On one hand he absolutely wanted to hang out with Arin. He’s his best fucking friend and he loved spending time with him. On the other, he’s scared. What if he messes up and says or does something to freak Arin out? He could ruin everything so easily. Was it worth the risk?

One look at Arins happy expression tells him that, yes, it’s worth it. Dan swallows down the rice and the fear.

“Yeah man, that sounds great. I had actually seen that this town has a wicked crime museum. Seems like it would be interesting if you wanna go do that.”

They talk about that till Dan feels the tightness in his chest leave him and he feels as if he can breathe again. He falls back into his relaxed state of mind as he reaches for the bowl of soy sauce. He lifts it and gets it about half way towards his side of the table before he feels Arin's hand around his.

“Oh, sorry man I wasn’t paying-“

_CRASH!_

The world around Dan feels like it ceases to spin as he looks desperately into Arin's eyes, hoping to find some hint that this wasn’t actually happening and that he didn’t just drop a glass bowl full of soy sauce all over their food. He feels his head spiraling as the loud thumping of his heart drowns out his hearing. Was he over reacting? Absolutely. But in this moment all he could feel is that panic creeping back into his chest. He could feel Arin's hand on his, the electricity shooting through his arm as the charged air between them grew tenfold, almost too much for him to take.

“Dan?”

Dan comes back to himself and realizes he can feel more than one pair of eyes on him. Reluctantly he glances around to find everyone in the restaurant watching him.

“Shit.” He curses as he leans back in his chair, slouching his shoulders and letting his hair protect him from the harsh glances that burn his skin.

He knows Arin's eyes are still on him. He can feel them as their waiter hurries to their table to help clean up the mess he had made. Arin helps too. Dan watches his hands as they lift the plates to allow the waiter to wipe underneath them. Arin thanks the waiter before he leaves, leaving Dan and Arin in a momentary silence. It’s awkward. He can feel it all over him, crawling on his skin and he hates it. This is not how it’s supposed to be. They should be laughing about this right now and if he hadn’t freaked out, they would be. This is all wrong!

“Dan, are you okay?”

Dan gives himself one final internal pep talk before he lifts his head.

“Yeah I’m fine, my hand just slipped.”

“I’m not just talking about the soy sauce, Dan.”

There’s a beat of panic filled silence before he speaks again.

“I don’t know what you-“

“Yes you do, Dan. You’ve been acting weird this whole fucking trip.” Arin’s voice is tense and edging on the verge of angry. Dan can’t think of a single thing to say back to him that wouldn’t be a lie, so he settles with saying nothing. Arin tilts his head and his eyebrows crease. “Have I done something?”

“Wh- No, Arin. Of course not!”

“Well what am I supposed to think, Dan? You won’t talk to me. You won’t make any physical contact with me. Dan, you won’t even fucking _look_ at me!”

Dan forces his eyes to snap up to Arins.

“It’s-It’s not you!”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s nothing!”

Arin laughs and it’s dry and mocking. Dan feels his stomach give a nauseous turn because of it.

“Sure, Dan. Sure, it’s nothing I guess.”

Dan struggles to swallow the rising guilt that he can feel in his throat like a fucking bolder. Arin fishes in his wallet and pulls out his credit card, throwing it down on the table. The sharp sound of the plastic hitting the wood makes Dan flinch.

“I thought we were friends.” Arin hisses as he pushes his seat out and stands.

“Arin,” Dan pleads, his voice teetering on desperate. “We _are_.”

“Well when you wanna start fucking acting like it, let me know.” With that Arin leaves.

Dan slouches back against his chair and huffs out a sigh. How did he let it get like this? He tried. He tried so hard to protect Arin and himself from the consequences that his new feelings could bring and he still ended up failing.

Dan lets the waiter take Arin's card and pay the bill while he gathers up all his courage to walk out to Arin's waiting car. Arin says nothing as he climbs in the passenger seat and buckles his seat belt.

There’s no music coming from the speakers, which is unlike Arin. He must be really upset. The only noise is the roar of the accelerator as Arin drives them back towards the hotel. Dan lets himself look at him. What’s the worst that could happen now? The lights from the street lamps shine through the windows as they pass, patters dance across Arin's face as they go. Arin was leaned back in his chair, one hand resting on the shifter while the other gripped the wheel. Even knowing how mad Arin is at him, Dan can’t help but feel that same fondness spreading throughout his chest.

“I didn’t mean it.”

It takes Dan a moment to even comprehend that Arin had said something.

“What?”

Arin sighs.

“I didn’t mean it when I implied that we weren’t friends anymore. I know we are. I just can’t understand why you’re hiding something from me.” Dan doesn’t say anything, so Arin continues. “And I know it’s something that’s a big deal to you because you’re… you’re just acting so different.” Arin shakes his head as he stops at a light turning red. “You can tell me anything, Dan. I just want to help you, but you don’t have to. If you’re keeping something from me and it’s this important then I guess you must have a good reason for it.”

Dan can see it now. Everything they had built together, all of their hard work, gone. Game Grumps, Starbomb, the fans, the fame. All of it just crumbling right before his eyes. But he was done hurting Arin. No more lies. He had made his choice, and now it was time to act on it. It takes Dan a moment to find his voice.

“I’m sorry.”  He says as he reaches across himself to unbuckle his seat-belt.

“Why?” Arin questions with creasing eyebrows as he watches Dan pull his knees underneath himself.

Dan crawls in his seat over to Arin. The stoplight casts a beautiful red hue onto Arin's face through the windshield. Dan inhales one last shaky breath before he whispers with a terrified edge to his voice.

“Because I’m about to ruin everything.”

Before Arin can question him, Dan has his hands on him, sliding to cup his cheeks, his fingers sliding partly into his hair as he hovers over top of him, bringing his mouth down to capture Arins, encasing both of them in a curtain of curly hair. Arin's lips are soft, just like the rest of him, and the hair on his jaw tickles his palms. Dan can feel his mustache poking into his upper lip. It’s a scary, awkward feeling that has him wanting to abort mission. But then Arin gasps into his mouth and he gets a small taste of him and he can feel himself melting, slipping, _drowning_ in Arin. Dan’s head starts to spin from the pure satisfaction that starts to overwhelm him. He is painfully aware, though, that Arin has not kissed him back. To be honest, Dan didn’t expect him to. But the fact that Arin hadn’t punched him in the face yet was a good sign. Arin's hands hover in the air, never really touching him, but never pushing him away either. Dan let his lips brush slowly, sweetly along Arins until the blaring of a car horn makes them jump apart.

The light had changed to green and Arin had yet to move.

“Shit.” Arin mumbles as he steps on the gas.

Dan falls back into his seat, a strange, tingly numb feeling spreading throughout his body, like he was being covered with sun warmed sand. It felt nice. Dan basks in that fuzzy, clouded feeling for as long as he can. The rest of the ride is silent. Neither Dan nor Arin dares to break the hypnotic calm that blankets the both of them, but eventually they arrive back at their hotel and the safety net has to be cut away.

They don’t speak a single word as they make their way up to their room. The fuzzy feeling starts to fade and the nerves hit Dan with full force as Arin makes his way into the bathroom and Dan takes a seat on his bed. He hangs his head in his hands.

What had he done? He could have just lost everything. He isn’t talking about the show or the band or the fame. He could have just lost _Arin._ But was living the way he had been the past few days really been any better than that? Was being afraid to touch or talk to Arin really any better losing him in the process of telling him the truth?

No, Dan decides as he lifts his head and steadies his thoughts. He did the right thing. The rest was out of his hands.

The bathroom door opens and Arin walks out. Dan forces himself to look Arin in the eye. He’s surprised when he sees Arin stomping towards him, eyebrows nit together and hands fisted. Maybe he really was going to punch him in the face.

“Arin?”

“Was that a joke to you? Huh, just some way to get a good laugh?”

“What? No!”

“Do you think this is funny, Dan?”

“Fucking- No Arin! Why would you think that?”

Arin's expression morphs from anger into something a little softer. He looks confused and a little scared, but his voice still held power.

“Then why?”

Dan, on the other hand, felt a burn churning in the pit of his stomach as he raised his own voice to match Arins.

“Why what?”

“Why did you fucking kiss me, Dan?”

Dan wasn’t prepared for the ping of sadness that stabs its way into his stomach. His voice beings to waver.

“Because I wanted to!”

Arin pauses and Dan watches as the tension in his body slowly starts to fade.

“ _Why_?”

 “Because, I like you, Arin. And not in a ‘best friend’ type of way.”

Arin looks a little lost as he slowly lowers himself down to sit on the edge of Dan’s bed. Dan can tell that he is lost in his own thoughts as he runs a hand through his hair. Dan can’t help but feel like he’s done something wrong. His stomach feels heavy like a rock is sitting in the pit of it.

“I’m sorry I kissed you like that. It wasn’t cool for me to do it without your permission.”

Arin turns his gaze back to Dan and its soft, like calm waters lapping at the sands edge after a bad storm.

“I’m not mad at you for kissing me Dan. I’m just…”

Yeah… Dan feels that as Arin lets his sentence drop off. He understands what it’s like to not be able to put something into thoughts or words. He understands what it’s like to not _want_ to. Suddenly Arin shifts his position to better face Dan.

“Do me a favor and don’t move.”

Immediately Dan feels himself tense, itching to do just that.

“Why?” Dan questions, a nervous turn in his voice.

“Just be still.” Arin says as he brings himself closer to Dan, so close that Dan can feel the warmth radiating from his body while he’s engulfed by Arins scent like a blanket surrounding him.

.”Arin-“

“Just trust me.” Arin whispers as he slides his hand underneath Dan’s jaw, his eyes focused in on his mouth.

Arin's lips are a breath away from his when Dan whispers back.

“I do.”


	4. Kiss me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another realllllllly short one.  
> I'm SORRY.

Warm. Arin was so warm against Dan’s mouth. His lips were so unfathomably soft it was hard for Dan to remember that he wasn’t kissing a girl. He was kissing his  _best friend_. Arin cupped his jaw with a strong, unwavering hand while the other lay against his hip. Dan wasn’t used to following someone else’s lead. Sure, he had been with a more dominate girl a time or two, but it was nothing like this. He could practically  _taste_  Arin's confidence. It dripped from him like liquid gold. Dan felt jealous and proud all at the same time. Dan was normally a confident guy, but these past few days he had been in such a funk. It messed with his head. It was exciting to feel that spark light up in his darkened mind again.

  
He was kissing Arin, and it was amazing. He would have never dreamed it to feel so… normal. Like it’s what they were supposed to be doing all along. Arin tilts his head to the opposite side and pushes his hand up the back of Dan’s neck, threading his fingers into his hair. Dan feels Arin nipping at his bottom lip. He knows what that means. He’s  done that same thing to a girl a time or two in his life. He wants Dan to open his mouth. A small spark of panic jolts through him at the thought. He wants to taste Arin, but the thought of kissing him opened mouth made his stomach knot. Not in like a nauseous kind of way, but in the kind of way like when you are a kid and you’re riding the biggest roller-coaster at the park. You get to the top and you’re up in the sky but the drop looks huge and you’re wondering if the whole ride was a huge mistake.

  
Dan parts his lips just enough for Arin to suck the bottom one into his mouth. And there’s the drop. Suddenly Dan can taste Arin and it’s as if he is flying towards the ground, arms out, laughing as the gravity of everything sends him spinning into an upside-down loop. A rush of adrenaline hits him as he groans, lifting his hands from the mattress to cup Arin's face, leaning deeply into the kiss. Arin releases his lip as Dan slides his own tongue into Arin's warm mouth. Dan can feel Arin's surprise in the way his posture changes. Dan uses this to his advantage, pushing his knees underneath himself and crawling as close as he can to Arin, leaning over him, brown curly hair surrounding them as he kisses into him. Arin slides his hand from the back of Dan’s neck, down to his hips. He pushes the hem of his favorite Rush T- shirt up and runs his warm, soft hands up Dan’s bare sides.

  
Dan hums into the kiss as a delightful shiver quakes its way up his spine. New flames begin to ignite in his core as he slides one hand around to cradle the back of Arin's head while he slowly leans him back against the mattress. Dan hovers above Arin, one knee between his legs, the other next to his side. For the first time in what feels like forever their mouths separate. Dan has stopped thinking so much about what he is doing and lets his body run on auto-pilot. He runs a hand down Arin's side as his mouth drags along the side of his neck. Arin lets out this delicious whimper as he turns his head, angling so Dan has better access to his neck. The noise turns Dan’s skin to fire. He can feel the bright flames lapping at his entire body. Arin is doing something incredibly strange to him. It’s unlike nothing he has ever felt before. It’s more than just hard dicks and passion. It's intimacy on a whole new level. He has never before felt this connected to someone on such a universal level.

  
Dan’s kisses make their way back to Arin's mouth but this time they are soft and slow. He eases himself down on the bed, lying next to Arin as the frantic haze of their first real kiss fades away and is replaced by a warm, tender glow, engulfing the both of them. What does all of this mean? Where do they go from here? Does this make Dan something different than he always thought he was? Dan could feel the gears of his mind kick back into place and start to turn again.

  
Arins eyes are on him, eager, searching his face for a reaction. Dan wonders what he was expecting to see.

  
“I told you to stay still.” Arin says, His brown eyes dancing with humor.

  
Dan gives a small laugh.

  
“Sorry, I just…”  
Dan lets his sentence fall off because he’s not really sure how to explain what just happened. He’s not entirely sure he wants to either.

  
“What’s going through your head right now?” Arin asks, barely above a whisper.

  
Dan pauses for a moment, unsure if he should say, then he remembers what lying to Arin has got him so far, so he decides to go with the truth this time.

  
“Does this mean I’m gay?”

  
“No dude.” Arin says as he props himself up on his elbow, looking down at Dan. “It doesn’t have to mean anything like that.” Dan makes a skeptical face and so Arin continues. “Look, if you find other dudes attractive it could mean you’re bi. If you find me attractive then you could still be straight. You don’t have to put a label on everything man.”

  
“What do you mean  _if_  I find you attractive?”

  
Arin shrugs, his voice getting that playful ring to it.

  
“I mean, I don’t know dude!”

  
“I just fucking made out with you, Arin!” Dan laughs.

  
“I mean, maybe you were just curious?”

  
The playfulness is still there, but now it was mixed with a ting of caution. Dan thinks about that for a moment.

  
“…I don’t think it’s that simple.”

  
That earns him a small smile from Arin, but only for a moment.

  
“This doesn’t have to mean anything, Dan, you know that right? We can walk away from this right now and everything will be the same as it’s always been.”

  
“But it won’t.  _I_  won’t be the same. Would you?”

  
Arin seems to think about that for a moment.

  
“I wouldn’t want to lose your friendship if this somehow went sour. This is your out, man. We can leave here and never talk about it again, if you want.”

  
Dan takes a moment to think about it, to really think about it hard because this is a huge gamble he was taking and not just for himself, for Arin, for Brian, for Suzy, for Starbomb for Game Grumps. Worst case scenario, they could lose everything. But this door was wide open now. He knows how Arin taste now. He knows how Arin sounds when he moans. How was he supposed to walk away now?

  
“No. I don’t want that.”

  
As the words leave Dan’s mouth he can feel a pressure of some sort fall away from his brain. It was as if just admitting to himself that he really wanted Arin released him of the constant gnawing of panic in his mind. Dan feels himself smile.

  
“Okay. Fine by me.”

  
Though Dan’s not entirely sure what this is or what it means, an excited, nervous feeling wraps its way around his stomach all the same. They both fall silent and just lay next to each other. They had went a few days now without being able to really talk to each other the way they normally do, and Dan knows that’s his fault. But in this moment with Arin, Dan can feel his body finally relax. It feels so nice to just be with him. He wonders if Arin can feel it too. After a few blissful moments Arin finally pulls himself from Dan’s bed.

“Uh…” Arin rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, standing between Dan’s bed and his. “I’m gonna… sleep in my own bed…”

“What, Don’t wanna post make-out sesh cuddle?”

Arin's eyes widen.

“I mean… do you?”

Dan can’t hold back the laugh that bursts from his mouth.

“Bro… I’m kidding. Get your ass in your own bed. This one’s mine.”

Dan snickers at the relief that washes over Arin’s face, followed by a timid smile.

“Just making sure…” Arin mumbles as he pulls his shirt over his head.

Dan turns away. This is still new to both of them. He didn’t want to make things feel too heavy by looking when he wasn’t supposed to. A part of him felt a little discouraged by the fact that he felt the need to look away, when before it never would have occurred to him. But he just shook it off. Little things will probably change, but he knew that they would be worth it. Or he hoped so at least.

Dan too removes his pants and gets comfortable in his bed. Arin settles in and leans over to switch off the light, but he pauses. Dan looks over at him with a raised eyebrow. Arin averts his eyes for just a second before bringing them back to Dan’s.

“Thanks for trusting me.”

Dan can see that his admission put Arin out of his comfort zone and it makes Dan’s insides feel all warm and mushy. He couldn’t believe the way that Arin made him feel.

“Thanks for being so cool about it.”

Arin smiles a big toothy smile and Dan thinks it’s the most beautiful smile he’s ever seen.

“Goodnight, Dan”

Arin hits the switch and the room goes dark.

“Night, Big Cat.”


End file.
